Gone Again, but not Forgotten

So I have been neglectful of this blog yet again for over a month.

Not much to say about that, except it is to be expected. Things get busy here with the three crazies which leads to priorities shifting.

I do think I will again try harder to get my thoughts down daily as I think the release is good for me. I have been feeling quite down about a lot of things and this was why I created this blog, to vent my frustrations and get them out.

The honesty that I try to exude in my posts helps me see things clearer and then directs me towards the better path, not always the easiest.

I look forward to sharing more and hopefully hear from some of you that might be reading.

Perfect Thoughts - From Another Blog

A friend of mine on Facebook shared this link to a blog called Single Dad Laughing, the post being, Disease Called Perfection.

I read it. I cried. I related. I commented.

Is there truly anyone out there that does not fall prey to this 'disease'? Can anyone of us truly say that they are 100% REAL, 100% of the time?

I know for me, I try to be honest and real. The problem is it is at different levels for different people in my life. You would think that family would be the ones I could be more real with, more honest with but in reality, that is the farthest from the truth. I seek validation from my parents still to do this day which is really sad as I am approaching 40. I still long to hear that they are proud of me, that they respect my decisions and that they don't judge me. Time to rethink this.

I am proud of who I am, imperfections and all. If it wasn't for a few mistakes (OK, a lot) I wouldn't be who I am today. I have three beautiful children, who yes are crazy, but they are healthy and happy along with that. I have a wonderful husband, who drives me crazy as well. He is wonderful, not perfect though, trust me.

The only person that I need worry about when it comes to my decisions is myself and The Husband. We need to respect one another in all aspects of our relationship and life together, and any decision is ours to make and to live with. It really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

One of the biggest issues I have is judgement. I judge others, just like they judge me. I worry about how others judge my parenting, my housekeeping skills, my life. I find I get trapped in this as well. I see something that a parent does that I don't agree with and immediately judge them in my head. This is not fair to anyone as rarely does anyone know the whole story behind someone elses actions or decisions.

I need a new perspective. I need to change how I think and my actions first and foremost and not worry about others.

I have a PERFECT life. It is the life I wanted. It has flaws, it has challenges, but it is still PERFECT for me.

Infectious Baby Giggles

Crazy 3 is now just over 11 months and man do I love to hear him giggle.

I can get him to laugh at almost anything that I do, I am the most hilarious person in the world to him and I LOVE IT!!!!

Every time I do something that starts to make him giggle uncontrollably, Crazy 1 or Crazy 2 start to imitate me and that just makes Crazy 3 laugh even harder. It's great because in the end, we all end up having a great big GIGGLEFEST!

As much as I love to hear the older two crazies laugh and play around, it is baby giggles that I find the most infectious.

Spring Break aka Losing my Mind

Yesterday was the first day of Spring Break for Crazy 1 and today is the first day for Crazy 2. They are already making me lose my mind.

The day started out WAY to early. Crazy 3 has a bad habit of waking up for the day anywhere between 3:30 AM and 5:30 AM, today was no exception when he was up at 4:30 AM. Next was Crazy 2. I started to hear him around 4:45 AM, but he didn`t actually get out of his room until 5:30 AM. Crazy 1 was the last to wake up, at 5:50 AM. Yes, you read that right, all 3 of my children were up before 6:00 AM and we have nowhere to go today.

It is 10:00 AM here as I write this.

Crazy 1 has already had breakfast, a snack, played in the basement and the play room, coloured, made a paper airplane and watched TV. Now she is already asking for lunch.

Crazy 2 has already had breakfast, a snack, played in the basement and the play room, coloured a lot and watched TV. Now he is asking if we can decorate Easter Eggs (activity I planned for next week).

Crazy 3 has already nursed 3 times, had breakfast, played around the living room, had a 45 minute nap and is now going to down for nap number 2.

If this schedule keeps up, I have no idea what state I will be in by the time Crazy 1 and Crazy 2 go back to school on April 2nd.

I do have some activities planned as well as some outings, but I still have a house to run and maintain. These breaks from school sure to put a damper on my day to day routine. Not that I don`t enjoy have the crazies home and able to do things with them, but I do like my sanity as well!

Waste of a Weekend

This weekend has been a complete waste. I have accomplished nothing, and when I say nothing I mean just the bare necessities were accomplished.

Crazy 3 is fighting something, fevers of over 102 F, cranky, waking up in the middle of the night and will only sleep on me. I feel like a zombie, I feel like I am just running on fumes, I feel like I might go insane if sleep does not happen soon.

The worst part of the whole thing is that Crazy 1 and Crazy 2 are also in rare form. They are not suffering from any illness, just completely crazy! The not listening and talking back are at all time highs, especially today.

We were supposed to go out to the Science Centre today, I figured if we at least did something with the kids, my guilt about not getting things done around the house would be lessened. Well, let me tell you, nothing was working to get the two of them to behave this morning, so low and behold we stayed home. This unfortunately leads to cabin fever and the behaviour ends up worse. It is a never ending cycle that I have no idea how to break.

It got so bad with Crazy 1 that while I was telling her to stop doing something, she continued to do it, while apologizing for doing it and telling me she would be a better listener. She never did stop on her own, it took me giving her a time out to stop.

Crazy 2 was the good one today, and that is saying a lot considering lately I have been referring to him as the 2 year old Tornado. He just stops listening because Crazy 1 doesn't listen so why should he.

I hope this doesn't continue every weekend or else I might get a little crazy myself. The weekends are when I look forward to outings as a family, but the stress of not knowing if the kids are going to listen just isn't worth it when I am already on edge from lack of sleep.

Friendships at 5

Crazy 1 is now 5 years old, in kindergarten and already I am dealing with the I am your friend, I am not your friend issues with other children.

Crazy 1 likes everyone. I mean she truly likes everyone. There has never been anyone in her life that she has told me she does not like. I love this about her. When I ask her who her friends are at school, she lists everyone in her class. Girls first of course, but she even lists the boys.

A few months ago, there was an issue with one girl in her class, let's call her Girl 1, where she decided to inform Crazy 1 that she was not going to be friends with her on a particular day. This of course led to a meltdown at school as she is quite emotional. The Husband and I talked about it with her and I think she understood as best as she could that not everyone will like her.

A few days later, Girl 1 informed Crazy 1 that she would only be her friend if she wasn't friends with another girl, let's call her Girl 2. I was very proud of Crazy 1 that day. She let Girl 1 know that Girl 2 will always be her friend and walked away. Crazy 1 and Girl 2 seemed to bond right away at the beginning of the school year.

Now the issue is that at school, Girl 1 and Girl 2 have become partners in crime and tend to exclude Crazy 1, won't play with her, won't be her friend. There have been a few meltdowns over this at school and the teacher has stepped in to try and resolve some of it. Here is what I have done.

I told Crazy 1 that if she asks to play with Girl 2 and she says no, that's OK. Don't cry, just go and play with someone else. I don't care if she asks everyday, as long as she doesn't cry and just moves onto play with someone else. So far, most days, Girl 2 has not played with her, but there have been no more tears.

This part is hard for me as I want Crazy 1 to keep her innocence and be that trusting, liking little girl. It becomes difficult because I know that in life, not everyone will like you, and you won't really like everyone. A lesson I know she will have to learn someday, I was just hoping it would have been later, not sooner.

Last Year of the Dirty Thirties

My birthday just happened and I am now 39 years old. This is my last year in my thirties.

I am not sure how exactly I feel about this as I am now on my final approach to 40. I know I have some big decisions to make this year, most importantly if I am going to try for baby number 4, but I also feel like I am hitting a crossroads of sorts.

The Husband is pretty much certain there will be no more babies in this house. He is already overwhelmed with having the 3 crazies around. I on the other hand think that I still want just one more. It's pretty crazy to think that considering I still get little to no sleep, no personal space and my body has pretty much gone to pot.

I believe that the crossroad I feel I am hitting has to do with this as well though. I am putting off things in my life waiting on this decision. I am delaying getting into shape, I haven't really gotten the children involved in anything extra curricular and I think The Husband and I are just existing in our relationship at this point.

Although I am not unhappy with my life, I still feel I could be happier. I am not dreading the milestone of 40, just wondering if I have accomplished what I should have by now, and maybe take a close look at what else I want to do in my life, maybe compile the dreaded 'Bucket List'.

Here is to 39, and looking forward to 40!

What to Make for Dinner?

At our house we often have an issue with dinner, or rather the crazies eating what I make for dinner. I have always fed the crazies whatever we eat, but I find that lately it's become a challenge.

Crazy 1 is very picky. She does not like ground meat at all, tomato sauce is a big no-no and prefers her food to not be touching. This is difficult for me as I tend to make a lot of casseroles as I can make them ahead of time when Crazy 2 and Crazy 3 are napping and then pop them in the oven. Even if the casserole is all things she likes, she usually refuses to even try it.

Crazy 2 is not usually picky, but lately he has been picking up some of Crazy 1's bad habits. Today at dinner, all he ate was rice. I made a stirfry with chicken, cashews and green pepper (all things he eats) but he refused to touch any of it, even after Crazy 1 informed him that the chicken was 'Super Yummy!'.

Crazy 3 is still easy. He hasn't started on food other than purees, and so far will eat pretty much anything. He has some preferences, but there is nothing so far that he has refused.

If my children had their way, I think they would eat Macaroni/Cheese and hotdogs for every meal. I'll be honest, sometimes I am tempted.

Lack of Sleep = Lack of Blogging

You would think that after having 3 babies in just over 4 years I would be used to not having enough sleep. Fact is, I am not.

When we just had Crazy 1 we were lucky. She slept the night at 6 weeks. Not sure what I did to deserve this, but it was great.

Then came Crazy 2. He only started sleeping the night consistently about a month before his 2nd birthday, that would also be the month before Crazy 3 arrived.

Now we are dealing with Crazy 3. I will give him a little break right now because he just finished a growl spurt and now is fighting a cold, but he still wakes up 2 or 3 times a night. With this cold it has become more like 5 or he's just up around 2:30 AM and never really goes back to sleep. It is truly insane.

I will state right now that is the reason for my lack of blogging. Lack of sleep has taken away any motivation for me to do anything short of the bare necessities. It was so bad last Friday I had planned on bribing Crazy 1 with my tablet so I could take a nap while both Crazy 2 and 3 were having their naps. That didn't work out so well as they both decided not to nap that day. By 5:00 when The Husband got home, I truly believe that my body was starting to shut down on me. I went to bed that night at 6:15 PM, The Husband put Crazy 1 and 2 to bed and dealt with Crazy 3 all night. I slept until 4:00 AM when Crazy 3 woke up to eat and then went back to sleep until 5:30 AM when he decided to get up for the day.

This lack of sleep has also made me become a bit distracted. This morning Crazy 3 actually crawled off the edge of our bed at 5:30 AM. I brought him to bed at 5:00 AM to nurse him and I actually fell asleep. Like really asleep where I was having a dream and all. Both The Husband and I woke up startled at 5:30 AM to a big crash, boom and then a huge wail of a cry. Crazy 3 is fine. Not the first baby in the world (or of mine) to have done this I am sure. At least there were no injuries.

My plan of attack is to start to go to bed a bit earlier to hopefully offset these bad nights. We'll see how well that works out for me.

Bully in the Making?

I was reading something an acquaintance wrote about her 5 year old daughter that is in kindergarten on Facebook and there was a lot about it that bothered me.

First, the post was about how her daughter punched a boy for making fun of her and calling her a boy.

Second, the fact that so many people liked her post and the comments were all very, let's say encouraging that the right thing was done.

Let's step back a moment. No matter the reason, no matter the sex of the child, whoever hits first is at fault in my opinion. By the time children are attending school, they should know that it is wrong to hit others. On the other hand, if my child were to get hit first then I am all for them hitting back. I do believe that people, child or adult, do have the right to defend themselves with the same force that they are attacked with.

Next is the whole girl/boy issue. We teach our boys that they shouldn't hit girls, we are the fairer sex. Well in my honest opinion if a girl hits a boy first, then power to the boy to hit her back. I know a lot of you out there will think that this is wrong, boys should never hit girls. I say too bad, so sad. If you are going to let your girls hit boys for teasing them, then they should be prepared to be hit back, especially when they are in the lower grades of school(K-4).

My biggest issue is with the adults. It almost sounded like my acquaintance was proud that her daughter punched a boy because she was teased. Then there are all the comments, coming from adults, about how it served them right, and awesome, and she did the right thing. Since when is it the right thing to hit someone for teasing you. Since when does it serve them right to be punched for saying something. I am actually a little disgusted with the fact that people are enabling and encouraging this kind of behaviour in a 5 year old girl.

We as a society talk about how bullying is such a problem in our schools. We talk about educating our children to know better and to act better. We have discipline systems in our school to teach respect and to talk about problems, not physically fight. We need to start educating our children at home, teach them right and wrong, teach them to use words and when it is appropriate to seek assistance from an adult. We have to be on the same page as our educators and our schools.

We also have to stop bullying where it starts, which is in our homes. We have to stop behaviour before it gets out of hand. We have to discipline, not enable and encourage when the behaviour has crossed the line.

I do hope that this little girl does not become one of the bullies, I do hope that there was some discipline involved and not just praise of her actions.

The Problem with Costco

Today The Husband and I decided to go to Costco with all three crazies in tow. Crazy 3 is easy, he is still in the bucket seat and cannot get out. Crazy 1 and Crazy 2 are both too big for the 'seats' in the cart so they have to walk. Most of the time they are pretty good at staying with us and the cart, but occasionally they stray.

My problem with this is two fold.
1. The carts are higher than normal carts so when I have Crazy 1 in his bucket on the seat, I can barely see over top.
2. The aisles where they clothing, books and seasonal are (the middle of the store) are narrow and you can barely pass another cart.

Both of these issues cause problems when you are trying to keep tabs on an almost 5 year old and an almost 3 year old.

This is not something that will cause me never to shop at Costco again, as I do enjoy the money I save buying items in bulk. I am sure as the crazies get older, I will find even more value in this. I also do understand why the carts are higher and bigger. It is so you can buy more. I know I always spend more than anticipated when I go.

My Two Year Old Pain in the Back

On Monday I was reaching up to the microwave to get a muffin out that I had thawed when all of a sudden I got a sharp pain in my back. Right under my shoulder blade. The pain was so severe I couldn't move for like 10 minutes at all, then I lay on the floor, flat on my back for another 10 minutes before I could actually bear to move.

I have never had back issues before in my life. Not even with any of my pregnancies. It sucked. Thankfully The Husband was still home, we had Robaxacet in the house and my mom is retired and could come help with Crazy 2 and Crazy 3.

I went to the doctor that morning and the first thing the doctor asked me when he came in and found out the pain was in the muscle under my shoulder blade was if I had a 2 year old. My response was "As a matter of fact, I do." He informed me that this was a very common injury in mothers of two year olds. I most likely did some damage a few days prior to the pain starting by lifting Crazy 2 or twisting to buckle him in somewhere.

The funniest part of the whole thing is the remedy. I was told to take Robaxacet as needed, heat the injured area and to take it easy for a few days until the pain goes away. The reason I find this funny is because it is impossible to 'Take it easy' when you have 3 children under the age of 5.

I have done what I can to make my life a little easier. The Husband has been helping with laundry and dishes. I refuse to lift either Crazy 1 or Crazy 2. The issue is more with Crazy 3. I am still nursing him and his mobility is still somewhat limited to army crawling around the living room. I still have to carry him up the stairs, I still have to hold him and nurse him. I still have to get up in the middle of the night and lift him out of his crib.

So here I am, going on day 5 of back pain. Robaxacet is my new best friend. The tensored heating pad I wear to heat my back has become an accessory to my attire. Our water bill will most likely be sky high from me just standing in the shower to run hot water over my back. At least with every day the pain is lessening and I can look forward to tomorrow being Saturday and I can press The Husband into being my slave for two days.

Afternoon at the Movies

The Husband and I took all of the Crazies to a movie this afternoon. Surprisingly, all three did really well. We saw Rise of the Guardians and did enjoy it a lot.

The reason for my post is how expensive it is to take our family out to the movies and we only pay for ourselves and Crazy 1 right now. We even get the pass deals at Costco before hand and still it was almost $50.

Not that I think going to the movies should be a weekly event, it should be a treat for the kids, but I still think it should be a little more affordable. I know they still have cheap Tuesdays at some theatres, but I remember when going to a matinee was cheaper as well. Now there is no difference.

I am just glad that we had a good time, the crazies behaved and now we know that this is an option for something to do once in awhile. One more thing tried and accomplished with our family of 5.

Age of Distraction

I believe that in todays day and age, there are too many distractions that take away from home life in general. We live in an age where everything is available 24/7 and down time and family time come in second place.

I am completely guilty of this as I sit here at my computer and blog while Crazy 1 is at kindergarten, Crazy 3 is sleeping and Crazy 2 is watching a Dora movie I bribed him with so I can sit and do this. What I should be doing is the dishes in the sink, or laundry or just playing with Crazy 2 while we have some one on one time available.

I am finding more and more that I am more concerned with sitting down and watching a movie or the shows I PVR regularly than I am with getting the house organized once the crazies are in bed. I talk the talk about wanting the perfect house; tidy and organized, but I definitely am lacking in walking the walk.

I blog, I am addicted to Facebook, I watch too much TV at night. After the crazies are in bed, I should take the time to get more housekeeping done, to exercise, to take me time and read a good book. The pull and the distraction of everything digital gets me every time though.

I am truly debating picking one night a week to be unplugged. No TV, no phone, no computer, no tablet. Make a list of things to get done and do them. The list can even include time to read, or play cards with The Husband.

With all this distraction, and my lack of progress on getting things done around the house, I am starting to feel somewhat defeated. I also feel guilty and then I start to take those feelings out on The Husband by expecting more of him (that whole conversation will be in a future blog). Fair is fair though, my job and responsibility are the crazies and the house and I need to come up with a plan that can better accomplish some family and household goals instead of just living with things the way they are.

I will sign off now, first step is to tackle those dishes!

SAHM Uniform

I believe that I have finally succumbed to the standard Stay-At-Home-Mom Uniform. It seems lately that all I wear is yoga pants and T-shirts or nursing shirts.

If I have to go somewhere a little fancy, I do have one pair of jeans and a couple of nicer shirts to choose from but I would say that 6 days out of 7 in a week, I wear the uniform.

I was talking to The Husband about this earlier today. It was kind of a shock to think that just 5 short years ago I had a closet full of dress pants, skirts and blouses. Now I have a closet full of nursing shirts and yoga pants. I guess I would just rather dress for comfort and speed instead of style now.

New Years Resolution 2013

Along with the regular exercise more, eat healthier and try to lose weight resolution I make every year (and never seem to keep), I decided to make one other resolution. This ones is around my parenting.

I have decided to not use the word NO as much with my children. This doesn't mean that my crazies will be allowed run wild, there will still be rules and boundaries, but I think the actual word NO is used too much in my house and tends to be ignored.

If Crazy 1 asks for a snack 15 minutes before dinner, instead of saying 'No, dinner will be ready soon.' I am going to try to just say 'Dinner will be ready soon, you can eat then.'

If Crazy 2 is too loud when I am trying to get Crazy 3 down for a nap, instead of saying 'No, you are being too loud.' I am going to try to just say 'You are being too loud, I am trying to get the baby to sleep.'

It seems like such a simple thing, but let me tell you, it is a very hard thing. Anything that is against the rules, or dangerous, or not smart starts with a NO in the response. It takes a lot of self control to not use NO and just explain things.

I can already tell you it's worth it though. So far in the past few days, Crazy 1 has talked back less to me and is more willing to understand reasons now that I am taking the time to explain versus just saying NO. I hope this will lead to a little less stress and frustration around our home.