Friday, May 24, 2013

Gone Again, but not Forgotten

So I have been neglectful of this blog yet again for over a month.

Not much to say about that, except it is to be expected. Things get busy here with the three crazies which leads to priorities shifting.

I do think I will again try harder to get my thoughts down daily as I think the release is good for me. I have been feeling quite down about a lot of things and this was why I created this blog, to vent my frustrations and get them out.

The honesty that I try to exude in my posts helps me see things clearer and then directs me towards the better path, not always the easiest.

I look forward to sharing more and hopefully hear from some of you that might be reading.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Perfect Thoughts - From Another Blog

A friend of mine on Facebook shared this link to a blog called Single Dad Laughing, the post being, Disease Called Perfection.

I read it. I cried. I related. I commented.

Is there truly anyone out there that does not fall prey to this 'disease'? Can anyone of us truly say that they are 100% REAL, 100% of the time?

I know for me, I try to be honest and real. The problem is it is at different levels for different people in my life. You would think that family would be the ones I could be more real with, more honest with but in reality, that is the farthest from the truth. I seek validation from my parents still to do this day which is really sad as I am approaching 40. I still long to hear that they are proud of me, that they respect my decisions and that they don't judge me. Time to rethink this.

I am proud of who I am, imperfections and all. If it wasn't for a few mistakes (OK, a lot) I wouldn't be who I am today. I have three beautiful children, who yes are crazy, but they are healthy and happy along with that. I have a wonderful husband, who drives me crazy as well. He is wonderful, not perfect though, trust me.

The only person that I need worry about when it comes to my decisions is myself and The Husband. We need to respect one another in all aspects of our relationship and life together, and any decision is ours to make and to live with. It really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

One of the biggest issues I have is judgement. I judge others, just like they judge me. I worry about how others judge my parenting, my housekeeping skills, my life. I find I get trapped in this as well. I see something that a parent does that I don't agree with and immediately judge them in my head. This is not fair to anyone as rarely does anyone know the whole story behind someone elses actions or decisions.

I need a new perspective. I need to change how I think and my actions first and foremost and not worry about others.

I have a PERFECT life. It is the life I wanted. It has flaws, it has challenges, but it is still PERFECT for me.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Infectious Baby Giggles

Crazy 3 is now just over 11 months and man do I love to hear him giggle.

I can get him to laugh at almost anything that I do, I am the most hilarious person in the world to him and I LOVE IT!!!!

Every time I do something that starts to make him giggle uncontrollably, Crazy 1 or Crazy 2 start to imitate me and that just makes Crazy 3 laugh even harder. It's great because in the end, we all end up having a great big GIGGLEFEST!

As much as I love to hear the older two crazies laugh and play around, it is baby giggles that I find the most infectious.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Spring Break aka Losing my Mind

Yesterday was the first day of Spring Break for Crazy 1 and today is the first day for Crazy 2. They are already making me lose my mind.

The day started out WAY to early. Crazy 3 has a bad habit of waking up for the day anywhere between 3:30 AM and 5:30 AM, today was no exception when he was up at 4:30 AM. Next was Crazy 2. I started to hear him around 4:45 AM, but he didn`t actually get out of his room until 5:30 AM. Crazy 1 was the last to wake up, at 5:50 AM. Yes, you read that right, all 3 of my children were up before 6:00 AM and we have nowhere to go today.

It is 10:00 AM here as I write this.

Crazy 1 has already had breakfast, a snack, played in the basement and the play room, coloured, made a paper airplane and watched TV. Now she is already asking for lunch.

Crazy 2 has already had breakfast, a snack, played in the basement and the play room, coloured a lot and watched TV. Now he is asking if we can decorate Easter Eggs (activity I planned for next week).

Crazy 3 has already nursed 3 times, had breakfast, played around the living room, had a 45 minute nap and is now going to down for nap number 2.

If this schedule keeps up, I have no idea what state I will be in by the time Crazy 1 and Crazy 2 go back to school on April 2nd.

I do have some activities planned as well as some outings, but I still have a house to run and maintain. These breaks from school sure to put a damper on my day to day routine. Not that I don`t enjoy have the crazies home and able to do things with them, but I do like my sanity as well!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Waste of a Weekend

This weekend has been a complete waste. I have accomplished nothing, and when I say nothing I mean just the bare necessities were accomplished.

Crazy 3 is fighting something, fevers of over 102 F, cranky, waking up in the middle of the night and will only sleep on me. I feel like a zombie, I feel like I am just running on fumes, I feel like I might go insane if sleep does not happen soon.

The worst part of the whole thing is that Crazy 1 and Crazy 2 are also in rare form. They are not suffering from any illness, just completely crazy! The not listening and talking back are at all time highs, especially today.

We were supposed to go out to the Science Centre today, I figured if we at least did something with the kids, my guilt about not getting things done around the house would be lessened. Well, let me tell you, nothing was working to get the two of them to behave this morning, so low and behold we stayed home. This unfortunately leads to cabin fever and the behaviour ends up worse. It is a never ending cycle that I have no idea how to break.

It got so bad with Crazy 1 that while I was telling her to stop doing something, she continued to do it, while apologizing for doing it and telling me she would be a better listener. She never did stop on her own, it took me giving her a time out to stop.

Crazy 2 was the good one today, and that is saying a lot considering lately I have been referring to him as the 2 year old Tornado. He just stops listening because Crazy 1 doesn't listen so why should he.

I hope this doesn't continue every weekend or else I might get a little crazy myself. The weekends are when I look forward to outings as a family, but the stress of not knowing if the kids are going to listen just isn't worth it when I am already on edge from lack of sleep.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Friendships at 5

Crazy 1 is now 5 years old, in kindergarten and already I am dealing with the I am your friend, I am not your friend issues with other children.

Crazy 1 likes everyone. I mean she truly likes everyone. There has never been anyone in her life that she has told me she does not like. I love this about her. When I ask her who her friends are at school, she lists everyone in her class. Girls first of course, but she even lists the boys.

A few months ago, there was an issue with one girl in her class, let's call her Girl 1, where she decided to inform Crazy 1 that she was not going to be friends with her on a particular day. This of course led to a meltdown at school as she is quite emotional. The Husband and I talked about it with her and I think she understood as best as she could that not everyone will like her.

A few days later, Girl 1 informed Crazy 1 that she would only be her friend if she wasn't friends with another girl, let's call her Girl 2. I was very proud of Crazy 1 that day. She let Girl 1 know that Girl 2 will always be her friend and walked away. Crazy 1 and Girl 2 seemed to bond right away at the beginning of the school year.

Now the issue is that at school, Girl 1 and Girl 2 have become partners in crime and tend to exclude Crazy 1, won't play with her, won't be her friend. There have been a few meltdowns over this at school and the teacher has stepped in to try and resolve some of it. Here is what I have done.

I told Crazy 1 that if she asks to play with Girl 2 and she says no, that's OK. Don't cry, just go and play with someone else. I don't care if she asks everyday, as long as she doesn't cry and just moves onto play with someone else. So far, most days, Girl 2 has not played with her, but there have been no more tears.

This part is hard for me as I want Crazy 1 to keep her innocence and be that trusting, liking little girl. It becomes difficult because I know that in life, not everyone will like you, and you won't really like everyone. A lesson I know she will have to learn someday, I was just hoping it would have been later, not sooner.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Last Year of the Dirty Thirties

My birthday just happened and I am now 39 years old. This is my last year in my thirties.

I am not sure how exactly I feel about this as I am now on my final approach to 40. I know I have some big decisions to make this year, most importantly if I am going to try for baby number 4, but I also feel like I am hitting a crossroads of sorts.

The Husband is pretty much certain there will be no more babies in this house. He is already overwhelmed with having the 3 crazies around. I on the other hand think that I still want just one more. It's pretty crazy to think that considering I still get little to no sleep, no personal space and my body has pretty much gone to pot.

I believe that the crossroad I feel I am hitting has to do with this as well though. I am putting off things in my life waiting on this decision. I am delaying getting into shape, I haven't really gotten the children involved in anything extra curricular and I think The Husband and I are just existing in our relationship at this point.

Although I am not unhappy with my life, I still feel I could be happier. I am not dreading the milestone of 40, just wondering if I have accomplished what I should have by now, and maybe take a close look at what else I want to do in my life, maybe compile the dreaded 'Bucket List'.

Here is to 39, and looking forward to 40!